Just When You Think You Have It All Figured Out, Life Throws You a Curve
You may need to change your perfect plan
It’s a large part of the American Dream — working hard, building financial security, and looking forward to retirement, a time when life is lived to its fullest.
At least, that’s the promise.
And yes, lots of folks continue to embrace the concept of delayed gratification as a core belief, structuring their lives to conform to a sacrifice-now-reap-the-rewards-later mentality.
During my fourteen-year “internment” at a Fortune 200 company, I was always amazed at how many of my co-workers were looking forward to retirement. Working long hours and sacrificing time with family, they gave up many of the things that were personally important so they could retire at the top of their salary scale.
And then — they promised themselves — they would start living their real life.
Their plan was usually divided into three phases.
Phase One was all about establishing a career, buying that first home, getting married, and starting a family.
Then came Phase Two - a time to invest and save, to get the kids off to a good start, and to make a major push to rise to the uppermost position available within their profession.
And then, finally — Phase Three! For many, it was not only a time, but a place. Maybe it was a cabin in the mountains with a fifty-mile view to the horizon. Or a beach house with nothing between the deck and the ocean except a hundred feet of sand. For others, it was a top-of-the-line RV and a plan to see as much of the country in five years as possible.
Yet, regardless of where Phase Three of their plan would take them, the payoff was always cast sometime in the future — when all the obligations and responsibilities of their “regular” life were behind them.
Many folks looked forward to re-connecting with their spouse and spending time together as a couple, without the distracting demands of a career and the financial pressures of supporting a growing family.
It wasn’t a bad plan. And for some, it worked. They retired at sixty-five, downsized to a condo in Florida, and hit the road in a brand new Winnebago.
But what about the others — the ones who didn’t make it to the finish line? They worked their way through Phase One and Two and could hear Phase Three calling to them in the distance.
And then, life threw them a curve.
It might have come in the form of a phone call — news from the doctor. Or maybe it arrived suddenly, without warning — like a heart attack or stroke.
What happened to the hopes and dreams they’d looked forward to for the majority of their adult life? They were exchanged for a semi-private hospital room, a steady stream of drugs, and a reduced quality of life that changed the scope and magnitude of the activities they’d planned.
Instead of camping at Yosemite or visiting Paris, they were forced to appease their wanderlust with the view from their living room window. And on a good day, they might journey outside — all the way to the mailbox and back.
The worst part?
While laboring away in Phases One and Two, they assumed their life-map would unfold exactly as planned. But in reality, they had no assurance their dreams of retirement would actually come true. They had no idea how things would really turn out.
Neither do we.
The future, and our place in it, remains a mystery.
Yes, we can make predictions based on how well we take care of ourselves, hoping that diet, exercise, and regular doctor’s visits will raise our odds of arriving at Phase Three with excellent health and a full set of faculties.
But there are variables we can’t control . . . or predict.
We can’t anticipate the drunk driver who runs the red light and hits our car broadside. Or the genetic defect that remains hidden until we hit sixty, and then releases a catastrophic disease into our system.
“Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.” - Jim Rohn
Here’s the point:
You can’t count on the traditional three-phase life-strategy to pay off, even when you do your part. Counting on the future to conform to a long-term life plan is risky. At best, it’s an uncertain possibility, with contingencies beyond our control.
Even when we work hard, sacrifice family time for our career, postpone the vacations, and give up the weekend getaways with our partner, the last third of our lives is not guaranteed.
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” - John Lennon
Even those who arrive in Phase Three financially secure and in good health can find themselves disappointed and dissatisfied. Why? The reasons often come as an unexpected shock. Not only because they were unanticipated, but because they were so easily preventable . . .
They forgot how to enjoy themselves.
Unable to appreciate the simple pleasures associated with a walk through the forest or a stroll along the beach, their mind is somewhere else. After thirty or forty years of cultivating the necessary mindset for solving problems, finding solutions, and getting ready for the next big thing, they’ve lost the ability to “be in the moment.”
Their brain is so programmed - so well-trained in deductive, results-oriented reasoning - they can’t appreciate a straightforward, uncomplicated experience merely for the pleasure it offers the senses.
Their spouse has become a stranger.
Putting career and professional goals in first priority for so many years can extract a heavy toll on relationships.
Trying to re-kindle a marriage after decades of neglect often reveals the disappointing truth: The fire is gone — because it wasn’t tended, fed, and supported. In essence, it was allowed to die, a collateral casualty of an aggressive campaign to conquer the C-Suite.
And now, each partner finds themselves living with a stranger of convenience.
The activities they were looking forward to no longer interest them.
Time changes focus. The hobbies, travel, and leisure pursuits that stirred their interest at forty no longer appeal to them at sixty.
The common regret? They should have done those things when they were foremost on their mind.
Admittedly it might have been on a smaller scale. But taking time to enjoy a personal interest when the idea is new and exciting is a far better option than pushing it into the distant future when time will have diminished the joy and reward of participation.
Their life partner passed away.
There is no better real-life example of the perils of waiting to live a better life than the true story of Evan and Frankie by author, Jaye Frances.
On track for a perfect Phase Three payoff, Evan was a corporate executive, working his way up the organization and investing for the future. His wife, Frankie, was a year away from tenure as a college professor. And while they both appreciated the higher-than-average income they enjoyed, they were looking forward to their own Phase Three - a time when they no longer had to juggle their demanding work schedules and could spend an entire day together, just the two of them.
And then they discovered life had other plans.
Their story has been reprinted in several magazines and eventually became the centerpiece of a collection of short stories, entitled Love Travels Forever. The piece summarizes the risks of waiting for a future life payoff and does it so well that I asked the author if she would share it with my readers.
She agreed and has provided it free via this link: Love Travels Forever. It’s a short, four-minute read, and oh, by the way, it just might change your life. I encourage you to share it with your partner, spouse, or significant other.
Here’s the Takeaway
Assuming we’re going to live to a healthy old age is the traditional norm. But like most assumptions, there are no guarantees.
And delaying gratification — the kind that comes from enjoying the journey — is taking a huge risk with the quality of your life, regardless of how long you live.
Thanks for reading,
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Roger A. Reid, Ph.D. is a certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business. Roger is the author of Better Mondays and Speak Up, and host of Success Point 360 Podcast, offering tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.