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Problems are an integral part of life.

Solving them is a necessary part of living.

Thankfully, most problems are minor, originating from broken garbage disposals, faulty dishwashers, dead car batteries, and a host of other daily surprises that require our attention.

But what about the bigger issues — the real, unexpected, punch-in-the-gut setbacks that disrupt our normal life and push our blood pressure to DEFCON 1?

I’m talking about losing a job, going through a divorce, or trying to help a spouse or family member fight drug or alcohol addiction. Depending on the situation, these high-intensity problems can impact your attitude, motivation, and outlook to the point you can’t appreciate the positive things that are still a part of your life.

And because these larger issues are (hopefully) rare, we seldom develop the skills and perspective to deal with mega-sized problems. Even worse, if we’re overwhelmed with depression and fear, we may not have the self-awareness or objectivity to recognize the true source of the problem, making it more difficult to find a solution.

It all comes down to using the “right” tools.

What follows was developed from a 7-step NLP (neuro-linguistics programming) process used to initiate a counseling or therapy session.

The psycho-babble has been stripped away, leaving an effective and productive method of reducing any problem down to its smallest component parts, making possible solutions and options much easier to recognize and implement.

This process can also be used as a prerequisite to utilizing professional counseling. You’ll save time (and money) by having self-processed the circumstances surrounding your situation, making you better prepared and more receptive to discussing the more relevant issues sooner — instead of spending time in preliminary, rapport-establishing discussion.

First, identify the source of the problem by asking questions you can easily answer.

This helps separate the symptoms from the root of the difficulty.

When did it start? What was going on at the time you first became aware there was something wrong? Does the problem stem from a change in the way things are done, processed, delivered, or from the failure to meet the expectations of others? Do you have control over these things?

These kinds of questions can bring a sense of clarity to the problem. Specifically identifying the affected parts of your life also helps to counteract the feeling that your entire life is being attacked.

Determine the real importance or severity of the issue.

What’s the worst that could happen if you do nothing?

Can the situation be improved or at least mitigated to a point you could live with if negotiated to a reasonable or managed outcome? Or does it have to be completely eliminated?

Has anyone else experienced the same problem?

Very seldom is a problem completely unique to one person. More than likely, there’s someone — somewhere — who has experienced the same or similar situation. Try searching the internet for input. Ask your question several different ways to activate alternative keywords.

If you feel comfortable asking for help from others, that’s fine. But always filter their advice by what they have to gain or lose from the situation. Their experience is not the same as yours. And while they may present themselves as some self-proclaimed guru with decades of sage wisdom, much of this kind of input is often tainted by ego — a self-inflated identity that thrives on being right.

Taking the advice of a friend is also loaded with red flags. It’s a double-edged risk: If you employ the suggestion and it fails, it puts the burden of failure on your friendship. If you don’t take their advice, they may be offended that you didn’t think enough of their input to use it.

Make a list of possible approaches.

At this point, it’s typically too early for solutions, so don’t edit your thoughts or suggestions. The more options you can generate, the greater likelihood of finding a possible remedy.

Use a notebook to jot down a brief description of each approach. This can be in the form of an outline, a pros-versus-cons list, or other format that works for you.

The real value in this step is not that one option will stand out from all the others, but rather, you’ll recognize a combination of two or more of the approaches as the better alternative.

Change your perspective.

Look at the situation from someone else’s mindset — someone who demonstrates an excellent use of their resources and preferably has achieved success after dealing with a major hardship. For example, ask yourself, “How would Tom handle this? What would Barbara do?”

The answer may not come right away, but this exercise kick-starts your brain into thinking in larger pictures — going beyond your personal and typically limited inventory of resources and experiences.

Implement your approach by taking the first step.

Taking action will make you feel better.

It might be nothing more than picking up the phone and making an appointment or ordering a book. But taking that first step tells your subconscious that the problem no longer owns you, and you’ve retaken control of your life. Additional actions should be organized into your daily schedule and given sufficient priority to make sure they get done.

Monitor your progress and, if necessary, change your tactics. If the actions you’re taking aren’t producing the desired result, do something different.

Trying alternatives can often “reframe” the situation and defuse the resistance, excuses, or push-back that’s preventing the elimination of the unwanted behavior or situation.

Be persistent, but also realistic.

At some point along the way, you’ll wonder if it’s worth the effort to continue the fight. In confronting any problem, there’s always the ever-present option to give up and tell yourself nothing can be done — and accept the consequences of surrendering to the situation.

Essentially, you’re telling yourself it’s easier to live with the problem than to change it.

Keep this in mind: You might be right!

This is especially true when problematic situations and circumstances are symptoms of an event or incident outside your control.

For example, if your job has become a nightmare of bureaucratic BS because the small business you work for was purchased by a Fortune 500 company, it’s doubtful you’ll make any progress in returning your work environment to its former, comfortable nature.

Realizing the change you seek is outside your authority or beyond your influence can eliminate a lot of frustrating, non-productive effort upfront — leaving you with fewer, but more realistic choices.

Thanks for reading,

Roger Reid

Roger A. Reid, Ph.D. is a certified NLP trainer with degrees in engineering and business. Roger is the author of Better Mondays and Speak Up, and host of Success Point 360 Podcast, offering tips and strategies for achieving higher levels of career success and personal fulfillment in the real world.

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